Back to the Workout Mat

I have been working out to Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred and just completed day 12. I really don’t want to focus too much on the past but five years ago I was living a very healthy lifestyle complete with chia seeds and daily work outs at the gym. I’m getting a glimpse of how amazing I felt back then from my twenty minute daily workouts. Five years ago really isn’t that long ago.

Before the cheesecake hit the wall with my mental health breakdown brought on by mixing alcohol and anti-depressants, I had begun training for a 5K marathon. Life spiraled out of control and day to day living became about survival. I gained back all of the weight I had lost (plus some) and all of my healthy lifestyle choices plumated into a big dark hole that was covered in dirt.

Fast forward to now. There are a lot of good changes happening with my physical health. My workplace brought Weight Watchers meetings to our office and we meet weekly at lunch. There is talk of continuing the meetings after our 22 weeks. A group of us from our WW meetings walk one to two times every day for 15 minutes. It’s fun to be cheered on by people as we pass their desks as quietly as possible. Sometimes they are louder than us. On nice days we walk outside. I really love the group environment of people all working towards bettering themselves.

I don’t judge myself on how I look on the outside, lord knows there are enough people out there who will do that for me. I love how I look with my curves, grey hairs, and the wrinkles starting to appear on my face. I work out so I can become stronger, physically and mentally. Wearing different sized clothes is a bonus that comes with weight loss but it is the strength that I want.

There have been a few times between day one and day 12 of 30 Day Shred that I sat out. My depression kept me in bed one day after work, a sore throat another, and on another day I chose to do a restorative yoga practice. Oh yes, and let’s not forget the day I binged on cheesecake and rolled into bed. I owned all of my choices and I think that’s really important to do when working towards a lifestyle change.

I really like who I am when I work out and I feel a high that lasts into the next day. I love the way my heart races, my arms and legs pulse, and the way my hair looks as a wicked mess. Deep down inside of me is a really fit, strong person just wanting to high kick her way out.

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