I found myself reacting to a casual conversation about cheap booze, a conversation I was not a part of but could overhear. I grabbed my headphones that are plugged into my computer and stabbed the keys on my keyboard.
YOUTUBE…COUNTRY CHRISTIAN MUSIC…*PLAY*
I don’t align with any one religion although I am spiritual in my own way. I just needed music to soothe me and the term “country christian music” poured straight through my fingertips to the keyboard, without really giving it much thought. I listened to a couple of songs but the song about Mary carrying a baby in her womb wasn’t what I needed.
I clicked over to George Strait. His songs make me bawl my eyes out, memories of spending time on my grandparents farm come flooding back. Classic and prime country is where it is at!
My reaction to the conversation about cheap booze triggered me because relationships have changed and my sobriety is at the forefront of the changes. It is challenging being the only sober person in a group. It is isolating.
I have had a lot of people come and go in my life and as much as it hurts, it is something that I have gotten used to. Beyond my resilient and tough exterior, I am allowing myself to feel the disappointment. At one time in my life, I would have used negative coping mechanisms. Now I meditate with trees and apparently listen to christian country music.
A question about feeling loney in this world was posted on Backcountry Women a couple of months ago. Genuine connections with people can sometimes be hard. I very much like the group because the intention is to connect like-minded women and I feel a sense of belonging.
Change and growth has made me feel lonely at times and not sure where I fit in. Maybe that is why I like nature so much. We are all welcomed regardless of who we are. When I am outdoors with other women, alcohol is rarely a topic and if people choose to have a drink, it is commonly a minimal amount. Liquid is heavy to backpack with.
I have a speaking engagement later this month at Mood Disorders Association of Manitoba with Women’s Programming. Our conversation that evening is going to be about staying sober in a society that glorifies alcohol consumption. The media, alcohol companies, and even the wellness industry tries to tell us that we need alcohol to have a good time and to unwind. We are going to talk about managing sobriety in the very beginning, from social gatherings to carving out time for ourselves to feel good about our decisions.
I use words like “our” and “we” because community is incredibly important when it comes to mental health. My journey and stories are only one perspective and while I will share them to “break the ice”, we as a community will engage one another in these important topics. I am leading the evening and it is my hope that everyone feels included.
I’ll leave you with some good old Tennessee Whiskey and a new version by Chris Stapleton. If you like this be sure to check out the original by David Allan Coe and another version by George Jones (need to give a shout out to the classics!)