A Taste for Sobriety 

There is no mental health manual that lists out the milestones that we are supposed to celebrate. Every journey is different and each one of us sees achievements in a different way. Right now I want to celebrate that I am comfortable being around alcohol without any desire for it.

I kissed my husband on Friday evening and his lips tasted of beer. I thought about it for only a few seconds and how alcohol had not touched my lips since February 14, 2016. I otherwise was not phased and I just moved on with the task I was working on. My ability to focus has grown considerably.

I can only imagine how I would have reacted had I kissed his lips with the taste of beer on them before mid-summer. I was still sorting out what I needed to do to feel comfortable around alcohol. A quiet moment on a dock early in the morning made it all come together for me. I don’t really have words to express it but in that moment something had changed within me.

I am fairly certain that there is beer in our fridge right now. I don’t know for sure though. If I did see it earlier in the day, I looked past it. I have absolutely no interest or temptation for alcohol. For the most part it is not on my radar unless someone brings it up in conversation.

I do however recognize that soon the Christmas season will be here and last year I struggled. I made a visit to my therapist for a check up and I am prepared to do it again if I feel the need. I am not going to pretend for a second that I am invincible and can handle sobriety completely on my own. I know with certainty that if I told my husband that I was struggling that he would remove his beer and not bring it back until I was comfortable, even if it was never.

I need to honour my journey and not keep any emotions tucked away. My continued success will come from being authentic with myself and not pretending to be someone I am not. It would be a disservice to myself if I did not honour how I feel.

I have immense gratitude for the life I have now and the road that has brought me here. I wouldn’t be as strong as I am without the struggle. I have forgiven myself for treating myself the way I did. I did what I had to do to get my needs met. My needs are now different. I honour the past, present, and future.

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